How to Healthily and Confidently Pursue

by | Feb 11, 2021


You must know yourself, your worth, and what you offer. Get clear on your power and value. Live in your vision. Be in your purpose and choose to live that on a day to day basis.

Don’t rely on another to “complete” you. You are whole, do your inner work so that you become very clear on that. You don’t “need” others to make you feel better. This energy comes across as desperate and needy.

Lead with an open and pure heart. Don’t be afraid of your honesty, your needs, and what you can offer. Present that with prowess.

Be mysterious but DO NOT “play games,” this is immature and insecure. Playing games is about control, and if you are hungry for control, you live in fear. A need for control is a need for power, which is a turn-off and hindrance to conscious relating.

Be clear in your intentions. You want something “serious,” say that. You are just there for sex, state that. You have something you wish to express, let those intentions be known.

Being in your truth and not being attached to the outcome of others’ perception of you is attractive and empowering for all involved. It also allows others to decide whether that feels right for them.

Tell the truth – BE REAL. Lies breed mistrust and a sense of uncertainty, and not feeling safe. These feelings will only create a co-dependent dynamic right from the start. Don’t be that person!

Ask questions, get to know her deeper. Being genuinely interested in another human not only allows them to feel appreciated but it also helps you determine values alignment – “Are they a great fit for me?”

Engage your humorous side. Humor demonstrates intelligence. Sincere intelligence is attractive and safe. Speak less, listen more. Don’t make it all about you.

Yes, speak about yourself AND spend time listening and feeling into what she is sharing with you. A sense of safety comes with vulnerable sharing. Be that rock

Be the “right amount” of available and unavailable. Too much and you become boring, too little and you are frustrating. Get your intentions right; it’s not about manipulation. It’s about healthy sexual polarity and attraction dynamics.

Don’t be scared if you don’t speak for a couple of days. Give each other a chance to miss each other. Don’t overcomplicate or overthink your choices. Lead, make decisions for yourself, and trust your intuition (KNOW YOU!).

Don’t wear masks. Don’t pretend to be someone you are not because you think it may impress.

BE YOU! Faking it will cause you stress and eventually disappoint her. Allow people to love and care for you based on who you are, not a character you cannot sustain.

Make it more evident that the other person matters. Are you fond of them? Let them know with confidence that they are important to you without being attached to their response.

It’s not all about sex. How deeply she is open to you, how safe she feels in her body, and how meaningfully she trusts who you are will allow you both to deepen your sex with each other.

Relationships can be challenging enough without bringing in false pretense, ego, or fear into how we are intimate. There is an art to it, and it begins with doing your inner work. Ladies, this means also being able and ready to receive…

Relationships are a multi-way street. The only way we navigate them authentically is by being authentic ourselves; otherwise, we are destined to repeat our past mistakes and continue to bring our pain into the present…

Relationships have the potential to heal the world… Agree? Disagree?
Giving and receiving must unravel in equanimity for a relationship to be sustainable, whatever the “goal” of the relationship is.

What has been YOUR experience with dating?

One is glad to be of service.

Stefanos Sifandos

Stefanos Sifandos

Trained educator and relationship expert

About the Author

Stefanos is a trained educator and relationship expert with a background in behavioral science. He is passionate about leading people closer to their highest potential and to each other. Stefanos has worked with thousands of men and women from all walks of life; special forces soldiers, Olympic gold medalists, elite fighters, and everyday people have relied on him to restructure and reframe their relationships with themselves and their loved ones.